There's someone that I know. He makes me feel like myself the way I ought to have been, not the way I was scarred to become. He releases me to shower me with care and affection, with thoughtfulness and attention. He is intelligent, goofy, genuine, ridiculous, adorable, handsome, smooth, dorky, talented, artistic, cocky, intuitive, and clever. He laughs a lot, makes me laugh a lot, and has a really great smile. He is the shoulder I cry on, and he's completely fascinated with my eyes and heart.
Matthew is my boyfriend, I'm really blessed to be his girlfriend, and we're on an adventure together. It's a rocky road, but there are beautiful sights to be seen, and songs to dance along with.
Hello, life.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Something Priceless
Last year was terrible and wonderful for me. I made a lot of choices, I learned a lot. About the people around me, about myself. I gained confidence from someone good, even though things ended in pain. If not for the wonderful situation that ended terribly, and that still hurts me sometimes, I wouldn't have that confidence.
And then I got to thinking; if I hadn't made the choices I did, that led me to go through what I did, would God have used something else to give me that same confidence? Would he have used other methods?
I believe the answer is yes, because he has a plan for my life that isn't easy to stop.
BUT, I also believe that that is completely irrelevant. A quote from a TV show helped me out:
"I may not be perfect, but I am me."
It's simple and cliche. But you see, everything I do, whether it is a good idea, a mistake, or a mix of both, is me. It contributes to the person that I am today. It is a part of me, it is my history. And without my history, and the tragedies that God brings me through, I am simple and plain. 2010 was as hard as 2011. 2009 was a struggle of another kind; and don't get me started on 2008. But everything I go through is a testament to the strength that God is building inside of me. He will continue to mold me and teach me through every decision that I make.
I am absolutely not saying that I'm right all the time, because I'm not. I've made big mistakes like everyone else on this earth. But every day that I beat myself up, that I look back with shame, that I wish I hadn't hurt anyone, is a day that the Enemy of my spirit wins. It is a day that I lay down and die to the glory that was instilled within me before sin had its chance to touch my life. I will press on. I will reject the fear of rejection from everything that others have done to me, as well as that which I have brought upon myself. I will forgive them, and I will forgive myself. I am worth it.
Who says? God says. Jesus Christ died on the cross because I am a beautiful creature, because He wants me when no one else does, because I am made perfect and whole by that sacrifice. And it is mine to step into every day, if I so choose. I won't always choose it. I will struggle. But it will be true, waiting there for me, each time I get up the nerve to believe again. To believe that I am priceless.
And so are you.
And then I got to thinking; if I hadn't made the choices I did, that led me to go through what I did, would God have used something else to give me that same confidence? Would he have used other methods?
I believe the answer is yes, because he has a plan for my life that isn't easy to stop.
BUT, I also believe that that is completely irrelevant. A quote from a TV show helped me out:
"I may not be perfect, but I am me."
It's simple and cliche. But you see, everything I do, whether it is a good idea, a mistake, or a mix of both, is me. It contributes to the person that I am today. It is a part of me, it is my history. And without my history, and the tragedies that God brings me through, I am simple and plain. 2010 was as hard as 2011. 2009 was a struggle of another kind; and don't get me started on 2008. But everything I go through is a testament to the strength that God is building inside of me. He will continue to mold me and teach me through every decision that I make.
I am absolutely not saying that I'm right all the time, because I'm not. I've made big mistakes like everyone else on this earth. But every day that I beat myself up, that I look back with shame, that I wish I hadn't hurt anyone, is a day that the Enemy of my spirit wins. It is a day that I lay down and die to the glory that was instilled within me before sin had its chance to touch my life. I will press on. I will reject the fear of rejection from everything that others have done to me, as well as that which I have brought upon myself. I will forgive them, and I will forgive myself. I am worth it.
Who says? God says. Jesus Christ died on the cross because I am a beautiful creature, because He wants me when no one else does, because I am made perfect and whole by that sacrifice. And it is mine to step into every day, if I so choose. I won't always choose it. I will struggle. But it will be true, waiting there for me, each time I get up the nerve to believe again. To believe that I am priceless.
And so are you.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The Seasons' Growth
As it's been 17 months since my last post, I think it's about time for a new entry. Here's a poem I wrote for a contest, before realizing that it didn't work with the specified rhyme, meter, length, etc.
The Seasons' Growth
April 19, 2012
The grass is green in Springtime
and flowers burst with life.
The sweet perfumes that fill the air
bring solace to my strife.
The meadows are in motion
with breath and breeze to warm.
The touch of gold that fills my soul
will calm the fiercest storm.
The Summer strikes with muster,
and heatwaves wear me down.
But lakes of azure cool the dust
and laughter takes my frown.
The birds trill songs of soothing
to lighten worker's load.
The dogs bay out the warning
when strangers walk the road.
The Autumn brings the harvest
and tales of lost romance.
The amber moon, she calls the brave,
for one last lonesome dance.
The leaves display the colors
of fire, blood, and brass.
The winds warn of the season
that tests the strong and fast.
The Winter calls the fallen
to bury what's been born.
To leave the weary spin of Earth
and fly into the morn.
The snow envelopes rooftops
and covers countryside.
The blizzard reinforces frost
to stow torn travellers inside.
The Seasons tell of old and new,
of times that burn my heart.
They cycle through each memory
to chisel out the art.
The years of growth and gamble
time-test the soul within.
An honest man will come out clean,
whilst deceiver tastes his sin.
The Seasons' Growth
April 19, 2012
The grass is green in Springtime
and flowers burst with life.
The sweet perfumes that fill the air
bring solace to my strife.
The meadows are in motion
with breath and breeze to warm.
The touch of gold that fills my soul
will calm the fiercest storm.
The Summer strikes with muster,
and heatwaves wear me down.
But lakes of azure cool the dust
and laughter takes my frown.
The birds trill songs of soothing
to lighten worker's load.
The dogs bay out the warning
when strangers walk the road.
The Autumn brings the harvest
and tales of lost romance.
The amber moon, she calls the brave,
for one last lonesome dance.
The leaves display the colors
of fire, blood, and brass.
The winds warn of the season
that tests the strong and fast.
The Winter calls the fallen
to bury what's been born.
To leave the weary spin of Earth
and fly into the morn.
The snow envelopes rooftops
and covers countryside.
The blizzard reinforces frost
to stow torn travellers inside.
The Seasons tell of old and new,
of times that burn my heart.
They cycle through each memory
to chisel out the art.
The years of growth and gamble
time-test the soul within.
An honest man will come out clean,
whilst deceiver tastes his sin.
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